The Transformative Power of Yoga: My Journey from Mental Illness to Holistic Healing

How I Overcame Anxiety, Depression, and Bipolar Disorder Through Yoga Practice

Growing up in suburban Ontario, mental health was taboo, and self improvement wasn’t exactly dinner time conversation. Access to nature had to be very intentional, and if it wasn’t something your family valued, it’s unlikely that you spent much time outside. Yoga was an exercise routine for middle- aged, hip soccer moms, and people didn’t air their dirty laundry for the world to see.

From an outside perspective, my life looked like a completely “normal” middle class suburban life. Only a fly on the wall of my room would have any idea of the darkness I faced, and even they could not have guessed the transformation I was about to embark on.

My childhood and adolescence were crippled by mental ill- health. From planning to end my life when I was just 12 years old, moving through disordered eating and substance abuse throughout my adolescence, and having a very turbulent relationship with my dad, anxiety was the thing that ruled my world. It wasn’t until I was 19 years old and experienced my first (and only) episode of mania (bipolar), that I decided it was time to make a dramatic change. 

Life wasn’t all bad growing up, I have beautiful memories of spending time by the lake with my grandparents and cousins on Manitoulin Island, getting lost chasing butterflies through the neighbourhood, and learning a ton about healthy living through my first ever job; working at a raw vegan cafe called the Health E Nut. When I was 15, my nutritionist boss and owner of this establishment ran a juice cleanse retreat down in Costa Rica, and my dad and I decided to attend. At that stage in my life, my number one priority was being thin, so 5 days without solid food was a no brainer for me!

On this trip, my eyes were blown wide open. I experienced yoga for the first time, and found that whenever my mind would wander during practice, I would begin to shake, or even fall out of a pose. This was my first introduction to the power of the present moment, and the fact that maybe there is more to yoga than something that helps keep those soccer moms fit.

We were all offered 1:1 consults with a nutritionist (my wonderful boss), who was the first person to ever offer me space to truly open up about my struggles. It was here that I learned I wasn’t eating nearly enough to be healthy, and here that I learned about addressing the stressors in my life instead of bottling them up. Our 30- minute consult turned into over an hour of me completely breaking down in her lap, and being held with a tenderness I had never experienced.

I left this trip becoming aware that if I wanted to feel better, then I needed to start with the way I felt about myself. I began regularly practicing yoga, I stopped wearing makeup (mid highschool, this was a big deal), and I began to practice CBT and NLP before knowing what those words even meant. I began noticing the thoughts I had in my mind, and if I looked in the mirror and thought “I look ugly”, I’d immediately stop and ask myself if that’s what I really wanted to believe. Now, this is all easier said than done, but it was because of this juice cleanse that I was able to decide I was worthy of love.

So flash forward to my manic episode of 2016; I was 19 years old, just completed my second year of University in British Columbia, and was 2 days away from chasing the outdoors down to New Zealand for student exchange. Through my first and second years of uni, I had experienced at least one major depressive episode each, and was taking care of myself about as well as any first year student does (with a lot of alcohol and instant noodles). We’d pull all- nighters to write lab reports and essays, slam coffee like it was water, and eat pizza for dinner more nights a week than anyone really should. Needless to say, I was not doing my mental health any favours. 

It didn’t really seem to matter though, as I was living my dreams! Living near Stanley Park in beautiful Vancouver, enjoying incredible sunsets, surrounded by wonderful people, life really seemed too good to be true… and then it was. I went 4 days without sleep, with an abundance of energy, no need for food, and feeling on top of the world! It got to the point that I couldn’t hold a conversation as I was speaking so fast that no one could even understand me, and I had to go to the hospital.

This was another pivotal moment in my life, and one when I realised I needed to make a dramatic change in my priorities. I knew that I did not want to be given medication that I’d likely need to take everyday for the rest of my life, and I certainly didn’t want to continue on the roller coaster of life I had been on, so I needed to find an alternate way to truly heal. 

I went down to New Zealand, and began a deep dive into healing my mind. Being in the middle of a degree with a double major in biology and psychology was convenient, as I was spending a lot of my time learning about the brain and studying neuroscience, and then applying these teachings to my life. I began to prioritise sleep, nutrition, daily movement through yoga, immersion with nature through adventures I didn’t even know existed!

This was also the year I completed my Yoga Teacher Training, and my mind has never been more calm than it was immediately following that one month immersion. Reflecting on the experience when I returned home, I realised it was the first year of my life that I didn’t experience a significant depressive episode, and I knew I was onto something. 

8 years later, I have not had another serious depression, and I’ve never experienced mania again. My mental health is my number one priority every single day, and my lifestyle is entirely based around my mental wellbeing. I do not take any medication, however I do monitor myself very closely, spend a lot of time in nature, practise a lot of very intentional yoga, and prioritise my sleep and nutrition routines. I uphold what I call my 7 pillars of mental health, and yoga is the glue that binds these all together. 

Yoga taught me how to love myself, which was key in deciding that I wanted to heal. I don’t believe that a healing journey is really ever over, and I will keep prioritising my mental health every single day. I am blessed to be at a place in my journey when I’ve helped so many wonderful humans to overcome their mental struggles, using the exact same practices that have transformed my life.